What causes me to break, albeit very slowly, into enervating ennui or alliterative accidie?
What bores the tits off me? Causes a yawn so gargantuan that I am in imminent danger of swallowing myself in the process?
Meetings! Especially of departments, in the Edusphere – and most of all when crammed with those who will insist upon perpetrating EduBollocks. Such persiflage as ‘grow an idea’ ‘moving forward’ ‘progress’ used as a verb (I could go on!) makes me hover vertiginously between meat-cleaver-wielding homicide and terminal boredom.
Certain words and phrases have an immediate Pavlovian effect upon me – inducing a sleep only distinguishable from death by the occasional twitch and faint groan of remembered horror.
‘Records of Achievement’, for example – out for the bloody count within seconds.
‘School Development Plan’ (which, frankly, I can take or leave, preferably the latter) – snoring like a warthog before the end of ‘sch…’
‘Addressing issues’ – once I have trepanned the unwise speaker with his own pencil – zonk, dreamland, dribbling quietly in the background.
I’ve left the best (read ‘worst’) till last, deliberately – one likes to whet the turgid appetite a tad, after all:
‘The Budget’: Deity of Choice on a Bike! Better than any number of flocks of moronic ovines, that one! During one such example of Torment By Numbers, I was so bored, I actually gnawed my own right foot off.
Any teachers out there in agreement? Come on: You know you are longing to say, ‘Yes!’