Yawn, mutter, mutter, chunter, chunter, grrrrrr!



What causes me to break, albeit very slowly, into enervating ennui or alliterative accidie?

What bores the tits off me? Causes a yawn so gargantuan that I am in imminent danger of swallowing myself in the process?

Meetings! Especially of departments, in the Edusphere – and most of all when crammed with those who will insist upon perpetrating EduBollocks. Such persiflage as ‘grow an idea’ ‘moving forward’ ‘progress’ used as a verb (I could go on!) makes me hover vertiginously between meat-cleaver-wielding homicide and terminal boredom.

Certain words and phrases have an immediate Pavlovian effect upon me – inducing a sleep only distinguishable from death by the occasional twitch and faint groan of remembered horror.

‘Records of Achievement’, for example – out for the bloody count within seconds.

‘School Development Plan’ (which, frankly, I can take or leave, preferably the latter) – snoring like a warthog before the end of ‘sch…’

‘Addressing issues’ – once I have trepanned the unwise speaker with his own pencil – zonk, dreamland, dribbling quietly in the background.

I’ve left the best (read ‘worst’) till last, deliberately – one likes to whet the turgid appetite a tad, after all:

‘The Budget’: Deity of Choice on a Bike! Better than any number of flocks of moronic ovines, that one! During one such example of Torment By Numbers, I was so bored, I actually gnawed my own right foot off.

Any teachers out there in agreement? Come on: You know you are longing to say, ‘Yes!’


6 thoughts on “Yawn, mutter, mutter, chunter, chunter, grrrrrr!

  1. Tsk, Tsk, Tsk. Never played “The Meeting Game”?

    1. 1 point available for spotting and responding to each phrase.
    2. Additional 1 point available for including the action.
    3. Points do not count if the chairperson spots you.
    4. Points are doubled if the chairperson doesn’t spot what is going on before the meeting is completed.
    5. Points are carried over the entire week
    6. Person with most points at the end of the week pays nothing all Friday night.
    7. 10 Bonus points available for using any of the phrases in an obviously ironic way, but the boss took it seriously.

    Phrase Response Action
    Blue-sky thinking: Sigh : Reel in a kite
    Idea shower : Shhh : Scratch and sniff armpit
    Going forward : Ooo : Pull chair in
    Brainstorm : Gaaa : Scratch head with both hands
    Drill down : Uhuh : Pull mouth open with one finger
    Circle back : Mmmm : Draw circle on back of other person
    Win-win : Yusss : Double fist pump
    On my radar : Bip : Duck down
    In the driving seat: Brrm : Steering movement

    Anyway… you get the idea…

    In all male meetings, weird shit starts to happen…
    Getting the ball rolling
    Touch base
    Thinking outside the box
    Bottom line
    Low hanging fruit

    But my all time favourite:
    Open door policy: Say nothing : Leave the room

    So busy spotting the bloopers that a. you have no actual idea what the meeting was about and b. you haven’t got time to be bored… 😉

    Liked by 1 person

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