Whine: Clarity


1. To produce a sustained, high-pitched, plaintive sound, as in pain, fear, or complaint.
2. To complain or protest in a childish or annoying fashion:
Five days ago, a most offensive comment was posted on one of my pieces of writing. Fortunately, the Spam Goblins got hold of it before I did – and, thus, I only, as it were, viewed it second hand once it had been booted into the Spam bin.
Basically, this anonymous person (Oh! the courage required to post a vicious comment from the safety of anonymity, eh? Real Warrior behaviour – NOT!) stated that he/she was most disappointed with my blog and that I should stop whining about a situation I knew I could do something about.
Now, for the sake of clarity, I should like to point out a few things.
1) Writing in an honest, if occasionally emotional, way about topics which many of us can identify with is NOT, in my book, the same as whining. The latter has that undercurrent of high-pitched ‘Poor me: I feel so sorry for myself’-ness which does, indeed, sound like a child endlessly pulling at its mother’s skirt for attention.
2) Since this person knows nothing about me, or my life – other than the edited highlights I choose to share on here – a judgement concerning what I should or should not be doing about/with my life seems a trifle ill-thought-out, insensitive and, frankly, patronising.
3) I am a ranter – often! When things get my goat, I tend to be forthright – possibly not always diplomatic, or even wise, but fundamentally honest. A whiner? No. I do tend to write about the same subject/s fairly often – pain, abuse, technological frustration, sex – but, my style tends to be taut and not overly weepy and wailing. I do not tend to rend my garments and sob in real life; in fact, one of my problems is that I do not cry often enough.
4) Writing about abuse does not make me a whiner. Many people have been able to identify with my Abuse-related posts – and have, quite rightly, realised that it is a highly complex subject which does not always have a neat, quick or easy solution. Those of us who experience any kind of bullying know damn well that ‘Oh for God’s sake, just leave the room/relationship/playground…’ is a vast over-simplification and far easier said than done – and that those who condemn the bullied for not trying hard enough to extricate themselves are, all too often, guilty of naivety at best, covert condoning of abuse at worst.
So: For the sake of clarity, the decision to write about suffering (in my case, amongst many other topics) is a personal one. I think the trouble is that any emotional writing is, by its very nature, going to press other people’s buttons; give them the lurching pain and fear associated with their own Achilles Heels; bring them up against things they would really rather not face. Under such circumstances, it is so much easier to blame and condemn the writer for being a self-pitying whiner than to ask oneself, ‘Why has this post pissed me off so much?’
If my anonymous commenter is reading this, let us get clear: You are not walking in my shoes, and it is not your business to make glib and superficial judgements about me and my life decisions just because something I have written has, inadvertently, jerked your chain.
Grow up, whoever you are.

7 thoughts on “Whine: Clarity

  1. Pingback: NaPoWriMo – Day 3 – “All You Need Is Duran Duran” by David Ellis | toofulltowrite (I've started so I'll finish)

  2. I wonder what exactly it is about posting on the internet that makes people think it is okay to attack others? There is a disturbing amount of negative comments going around lately and I worry that some of them will emotionally harm some bloggers. Many bloggers here on WP have said they blog to work out their problems, to gain emotional support or to find friends….what does this type of comment do to them? It’s a darned shame in my eyes. Your writings are honest, they seem to be promoting good changes emotionally and physically, they have a touch of self-deprecating humor at times that make people want to hug you at the same time they are laughing like loons at what you write. You rarely rant, and when you do it is always for a good cause. Hang in there and hank goodness for spam filters!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. alienorajt

      Bless you, Suze: A lovely and heart-warming response. I agree with your opening comments totally – and wonder if something about the anonymity and facelessness of the internet allows people to take liberties, and let inner demons/bitches out, in a way they would not dream of doing face-to-face. It is, I guess, very easy to sneak onto someone’s blog site, under cover of metaphorical darkness, leave a vial of slow-acting poison and then bugger off back into the mere. I also think – well I know, both from my own experience and 30 years as a teacher – that vulnerability excites some bullies and gives them the urge to hurt, to taunt, to kick and name-call. It saddens me. xx

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Amen! Your blog, with its honesty (at least from my perspective), is a refreshing change of pace from the heavily positively filtered social media that I read elsewhere. There is suffering in the world, and not everything is sunshine and rainbows.

    Despite my blog’s title, I sometimes post worrisome entries, though I usually spin them positively.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I love they honesty on your blogs past and present and would like to thank you for the help that a good number of your posts have given me. Both the more light hearted and more personal have helped in times of depression or stress just to name a few emotions Also when you write from pain and I’m having a day of pain it helps to know I am not the only person going through such medical things. I thank you for sharing your talent and wonder if people that comment in a negative way are jealous of your talent. such people do get my goat epically when something has helped me so much as you your books and your blog have been part of my ongoing better outlook at life love and hugs to you xx

    Liked by 1 person

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