Going South?


https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/south/

We use the expression ‘Going South’ as a humorous way of describing something most of us will face eventually.

When used about the human body, going south is quite definitely not a compliment – is, in fact, something to be avoided at all costs. It means, basically, that one’s assets are sagging: Boobs heading in a southerly direction down towards the knees, arse slithering towards the ankles, face indistinguishable from the large wattle depending from the neck and enough prolapses down yonder to keep the most fanatical gynaecologist as happy as a pig in shit.

There is more than a slight feeling of ‘Going Tits Up’ ism about this phrase – even though, ironically, the aforesaid mammaries are doing anything but heading in an upwardly direction. But there does seem to be this inbuilt, slightly sour, implication behind those two words that one’s bodily droop is damned careless and one’s own bally fault for not being more careful, for not ensuring that one’s bits and bobs remained in a perky northerly-pointing direction.

On the other hand, North is notoriously cold, whereas South has a reputation for heat – so maybe in some cultures having bosoms like cantaloupes hanging low from a tree and an overhang you could balance a goat on is the epitome of sexual attractiveness! Who the hell knows?

saggy-boobs-old-lady

And, for all we know, the ghastly old harridan pictured above could be someone’s secret fantasy, the erotic centre of his entire universe! Seems a tad unlikely, I know, but sexual hankerings are as unfathomable as most of the rest of  the human condition. Frankly you can’t tell me, in a world which includes men getting aroused when sat on and squashed by ten-tonne Tessies, that there isn’t a cadre of Granny-Shaggers out there somewhere who would pay good money to slip Grendel’s Mother in the red coat a length.

This post may well be too hot, dangerous and southerly for the system to cope with!

Do I care?

No!

The entire system seems, itself, to have Gone South since the weekend – and, given that the Reader appears to have sent me to Coventry (AGAIN!), I might as well enjoy myself musing over rude thoughts and outrageous images under the assumption that no one will actually see this post anyway!

Liberating!

Bottoms up!

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4 thoughts on “Going South?

  1. That was really funny, and is a take on “going south” that I haven’t heard before.

    I love it how “North” is always the “preferred” direction, but there is definitely the idea that South is generally warmer which I appreciate you bringing up (of course, my latitude is quite north too).

    Additionally, “South” is the preferred direction to show the declarer’s seat when written in a newspaper column or article about bridge. So it’s not all bad!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. alienorajt

      Delighted to hear about the laughter, Cara. Sometimes I can go days with barely a smile (am sure you know the feeling); but, as long as I can still roar with raucous mirth, and make others guffaw, I know that I haven’t lost the plot completely. Take care. xxx

      Like

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