Dreams and Nightmares


I had this nightmare time and time again when I was a little girl.

I am tiny, less than five, dressed in furs, living out in a vast snow-covered landscape – a white nothingness which, despite its lack of obvious contour, holds echoes of howling fear and imminent predation.

We live in a round wooden shack, precarious in the extreme, the boards which constitute its walls rotten, heavy with water, blackening and falling away. Snow can be seen only too clearly through the big gaps.

My father has a rifle. Wolves, grey as the worst terror, come prowling as darkness falls each night and stay until the sky winches back its black canopy and replaces it with the colourless one of Arctic day.

During those endless hours of utter fear, we rush from wall to wall, spotting the slavering red mouths of the creatures as they try to breach our fragile safety; we scream, ‘Daddy!’ and he fires at one snout after another. He hits none of them, though the noise causes each to withdraw. But there is always another and another.

I am frozen with fear.


Why, you may ask, do I bring this fifty-three-or-more-years-ago dream back to waking life?

Because that very early sense of trying to keep wolves out of an unstable building is all-too pertinent to my life today. Because I feel as if I am that tiny child, my current self and the protector with the gun at one and the same time – and that, no matter how many of the predators I shoot, another one will always claw its way under the rotting planks and threaten the integrity of my hut, the security of my psyche – and any sense of hope I might have about building a stronger, and longer-lasting, domicile in the future.

I am, once again, frozen with fear. Five years old. Small and unprotected. My father’s gun is almost too heavy for me to lift, and it rips pain through every single muscle in my upper body. But, when night falls, and the wolves of dread reappear, only I can aim, press trigger and fire at them.

12 thoughts on “Dreams and Nightmares

  1. Running Elk

    Feels like the post, link below, was written especially to reply to your post!

    “Wolf dreams challenge us to confront what we are afraid of, and to not lurk in the shadows of our own subconscious. Wolf dreams offer us the gift of strength, freedom and the ability to fiercely protect that which is dear to us. Wolves in dreams invite us to claim back our own power, to run freely and live our most authentic life possible, without fear, without shackles, without shame”

    Lay down the rifle, stop shooting, let them in! πŸ˜€ xxx


    Liked by 3 people

    1. alienorajt

      Thanks very much for this. It came this morning, when I was at a very low ebb indeed, and gave me hope and strength (as did the comments from Steve and Dean). Your advice is perfect and has been taken on board. xxx

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Running Elk

        Your whole post is a beautiful message to your self from your Self. Just happy to throw in my pennyworth… Go howl at that moon!!! πŸ˜€ xxx


    2. alienorajt

      Just read the link and looked at the date. OMG, that gave me a shiver up my spine and no mistake. It was published on my fifty-first birthday, the day Dean gave me ‘Your Unseen Power’, a course by Dolores which started (or re-triggered) so much else. Not a coincidence, I feel. xxx

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Yes, like Steve I think they are an aspect of YOU. Intuitively I see them as symbols of your inner power. The tiny child needs to reclaim and allow the wolves to protect her. Steve’s idea to visualise them, to let them in and to protect you would be empowering. Running Elk might even say they are a totem/ power animal for you?? Xxx

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Running Elk

      Pretty much. πŸ˜€ Wolf always comes to show us our own power… it’s a wonderful dream to have as a child (all be it a terrifying one in a society where the “bigger picture” must remain unexplained…
      The timing of remembering that early imagery, now, seems incredibly apt, somehow. Love it!! πŸ˜€ xx

      Liked by 3 people

      1. alienorajt

        That is so reassuring – ‘Wolf always comes to show us our own power…’ – and I confess I got quite emotional when I read it. It just seemed such a healing turn-around of the dark cycle I have got myself into as far as that dream is concerned. I am going to meditate upon Wolf later on. xxx

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I am no expert on dreams, Ali, and doubt that many are… But I would say that the thin and rotting walls were telling you about their own condition; that your father kept ‘missing’ because he knew they were part of you; and that your inner need, if not wish, was and is, to let down the fetid walls and let in the pure wolves – creatures of boldness, discernment and loyalty. If you can do this in visualisation, I would say you will discover transformative friends of an order you never expected.

    Deep breath, and your chance to melt some of the prison of the past… Love xxx Steve

    Liked by 4 people

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