Once the port cullis of self-limitation has been cranked up, and the drawbridge let down, we can canter over, riding the steeds, caparisoned in our true heraldic colours, of the higher self – and, reaching for the battlements, can survey our kingdom for miles in each direction. Lofty, yet humble, we know our own worth – and we sense, instinctively, that a man’s reach should, indeed, exceed his grasp!
Yesterday, I galloped into my own castle, Sword of Truth, and Spear of Healing at the ready…
When I started, fairly recently, sorting out the wheat from the chaff, both in personal terms and those relating to possessions, I was run by scarcity and insecurity. A kind of, ‘Do I deserve to have any of these people or things?’ strain added its disharmonious sound to the symphony of new starts.
Yesterday, speaking – for the penultimate time – to the counsellor who has helped so much in recent months, I found myself explaining the human side of this process and, to my amazement (and her delight), saying, ‘I am becoming ever-clearer about those who deserve my love…’
I stopped mid-thought, reeled back through the mental cine film, checked I had, indeed, uttered this revolutionary thought – and cheered!
Now, obviously, in my heart love flows free and vast and unconditional; it is an ever-renewing river of richness which I bestow upon others, the world and myself. It is not something to be placed in tiny vials and given in begrudging, mean portions; on the other hand, we all have, I think, a duty – to ourselves, to our families, to the wider community – to recognise when that love is wasted, is feeding into those who do us harm (whether knowingly or not), and to be willing and able to give it, with open heart, only to those who radiate, as opposed to those who drain.
The response from those I know during the last year, and more, has taught me a great deal – and I have moved from thinking that rejections were my fault to realising, fully, that I had nothing to atone for in the first place, and certainly owed no one either explanation or apology for my decisions and necessary actions.
It is easy to be a fair-weather friend, much harder to stick with others when they are going through one of life’s inevitable trials.
As I say, I am a loving person – and do not bear grudges easily. For this reason, I tend to give others the benefit of the doubt far too often – and allow them to remain in the food cupboard of the soul well past their sell-by dates!
My epiphany yesterday has changed the way I view things – and, tolerant though I am capable of being, people who play Mind Games with me do not, and never did, deserve my friendship, let alone my love. Those who enjoy holding back from me, who nourish dark secrets as a form of inner power, who collect lame ducks and reject anyone who, subsequently, becomes whole – Ah! Such mortals do not come within the parameters of true friends, nor do they deserve a single further beat of my strong and loving heart!
I shall make no further overtures to such individuals. Their time in my life is over – my choice!
Wealth, of any kind, lies in the mind and emotional centre, not the wallet, bank account or statistical plenitude of people – and, in terms of the quality of love and friendship I have received, so generously, from those, both near and far, who have supported me throughout, I am a millionaire. In terms of what is actually needed to sustain a creative and meaningful life, I am rich indeed.
Going back to ‘reach’: Most people have an inner Strive Button in each incarnation they experience. For some, it is amassing coinage, or expensive things; for others, it is a more abstract reach: Along a spiritual path, for example, or a goal relating to the good of the wider world.
But, any point reached, no matter how high, can only ever be a stopping place along the way – and reaching the summit simply shows us yet another range of mountains, mist-hidden from below, which now need to be scaled.
Archimedes’ ‘Eureka!’ moment did not end his questing mentality. In the same way, my moment of realisation yesterday was but a single pitted stone step up the spiral staircase of my castle.
Truly, a small minority of people do not reach the standard required to deserve my love…
…and those who do deserve it never needed to prove that in the first place – because their own hearts shone so bright and clear and full.