A huge shift: Who deserves my love?


Once the port cullis of self-limitation has been cranked up, and the drawbridge let down, we can canter over, riding the steeds, caparisoned in our true heraldic colours, of the higher self – and, reaching for the battlements, can survey our kingdom for miles in each direction. Lofty, yet humble, we know our own worth – and we sense, instinctively, that a man’s reach should, indeed, exceed his grasp!

Yesterday, I galloped into my own castle, Sword of Truth, and Spear of Healing at the ready…

When I started, fairly recently, sorting out the wheat from the chaff, both in personal terms and those relating to possessions, I was run by scarcity and insecurity. A kind of, ‘Do I deserve to have any of these people or things?’ strain added its disharmonious sound to the symphony of new starts.

Yesterday, speaking – for the penultimate time – to the counsellor who has helped so much in recent months, I found myself explaining the human side of this process and, to my amazement (and her delight), saying, ‘I am becoming ever-clearer about those who deserve my love…’

I stopped mid-thought, reeled back through the mental cine film, checked I had, indeed, uttered this revolutionary thought – and cheered!

Now, obviously, in my heart love flows free and vast and unconditional; it is an ever-renewing river of richness which I bestow upon others, the world and myself. It is not something to be placed in tiny vials and given in begrudging, mean portions; on the other hand, we all have, I think, a duty – to ourselves, to our families, to the wider community – to recognise when that love is wasted, is feeding into those who do us harm (whether knowingly or not), and to be willing and able to give it, with open heart, only to those who radiate, as opposed to those who drain.

The response from those I know during the last year, and more, has taught me a great deal – and I have moved from thinking that rejections were my fault to realising, fully, that I had nothing to atone for in the first place, and certainly owed no one either explanation or apology for my decisions and necessary actions.

It is easy to be a fair-weather friend, much harder to stick with others when they are going through one of life’s inevitable trials.

As I say, I am a loving person – and do not bear grudges easily. For this reason, I tend to give others the benefit of the doubt far too often – and allow them to remain in the food cupboard of the soul well past their sell-by dates!

My epiphany yesterday has changed the way I view things – and, tolerant though I am capable of being, people who play Mind Games with me do not, and never did, deserve my friendship, let alone my love. Those who enjoy holding back from me, who nourish dark secrets as a form of inner power, who collect lame ducks and reject anyone who, subsequently, becomes whole – Ah! Such mortals do not come within the parameters of true friends, nor do they deserve a single further beat of my strong and loving heart!

I shall make no further overtures to such individuals. Their time in my life is over – my choice!

Wealth, of any kind, lies in the mind and emotional centre, not the wallet, bank account or statistical plenitude of people – and, in terms of the quality of love and friendship I have received, so generously, from those, both near and far, who have supported me throughout, I am a millionaire. In terms of what is actually needed to sustain a creative and meaningful life, I am rich indeed.

Going back to ‘reach’: Most people have an inner Strive Button in each incarnation they experience. For some, it is amassing coinage, or expensive things; for others, it is a more abstract reach: Along a spiritual path, for example, or a goal relating to the good of the wider world.

But, any point reached, no matter how high, can only ever be a stopping place along the way – and reaching the summit simply shows us yet another range of mountains, mist-hidden from below, which now need to be scaled.

Archimedes’ ‘Eureka!’ moment did not end his questing mentality. In the same way, my moment of realisation yesterday was but a single pitted stone step up the spiral staircase of my castle.

Truly, a small minority of people do not reach the standard required to deserve my love…

…and those who do deserve it never needed to prove that in the first place – because their own hearts shone so bright and clear and full.



17 thoughts on “A huge shift: Who deserves my love?

  1. You deserve to be the the sun in the centre of your universe now…..having been on the periphery of another’s where if you approached you were burnt in his presence….I think it important to exercise and feel that empowerment of ” withdrawing your love” from those who are not deserving….it is the opposite of that ever hopeful and hopeless being of never being able to please or receive any love from that person you crave that love and acceptance from. The Goddess is rising….are you worthy of her friendship and love? If not, fuck off…🌛🌞🌜! X

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Beautifully put, Dean – many thanks for this lovely and heartening comment. Yes, I am beginning to feel the empowerment of withdrawing my love from certain people, and it is a real eye-opener, as I am sure you can imagine. xxx


  2. [Jumped over from Kate McClelland’s reblog]

    While I’m not entirely comfortable with the thought that people do or do not “deserve” our love, I chime in heartily that they simply must deserve our ongoing attention and company – nobody has a “right” to the minutes of the life of another. (Kinda’ reframes “love ’em and leave ’em” huh?)

    I have spent way too many hours lingering on various midways because I didn’t think “Enough – I’m done here” was a good enough reason to move on. Congrats on taking more than a few steps up on the self-esteem staircase with your recent realization.
    (Madelyn Griffith-Haynie – ADDandSoMuchMore dot com)
    – ADD Coach Training Field founder; ADD Coaching co-founder –
    “It takes a village to transform a world!”

    Liked by 2 people

    1. In all honesty, Madelyn, I wasn’t entirely comfortable with that comment myself – and I wrote the damn thing! The harshness was deliberate, however – something I explained a bit more fully in the next post. ‘Enough – I’m done here’ expresses it very well, but is something many of us find problematic in practice (as you say) as we can easily become snarled up in guilt, societal pressure, the need to be nice and all the other things which keep us from asserting ourselves at these crucial moments! Many thanks for commenting. Good to ‘meet’ you! x

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It’s a tricky shift – but a really important one, IMHO. Probably in agreement with your [now or soon to be ex-] therapist, I heartily support whatever you need to express to seed the shift – “harsh” or not. From reading here, I have no doubt that you will continue to revise.

        I believe I have a few years on you, so more reflection time, but still fall into the guilt pit myself from time to time, to my chagrin. It never serves me. Old habits die hard?

        Girls seem to be raised to focus on the feelings of others – boys to “stick up for themselves.” The quest for wisdom has many of us moving toward the middle way – but it’s a bumpy road. 🙂
        xx, mgh

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Yes, old habits do, indeed, die hard, especially if one is either female or brought up within the dogma of a patriarchal religion (or both!). Guilt is an essential part of the latter, and can be easily utilised for control purposes. I am not, for one moment, saying that the quest for the spiritual/acknowledgement of the Creator in our lives is wrong; but I do think the human expression of it flawed in many cases, actively dangerous in some – and, too often, not helpful to women! xx

          Liked by 1 person

  3. Wow like some end of term exam, the virtual sword of Damocles hanging high over the necks of the undeserving (of love that is). Nice to see a soul on the upland path dancing towards the mist of a fine morning. (Or as in my case the cup of tea, well after any tardy mist has dispersed…)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Not entirely, Ted! More a case of my overturning the habits of a life-time and, instead of grovelling for the approval of others (some of whom have abused that eagerness to please), actually having sufficient respect for myself to know when a harmful association has outlived its use! Generally, those in life who are fair weather types vote with their feet way before we need to consign them to the chaff pile, as it were! Ah, the morning cup of tea: Nothing like it, I always say! xxx


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