Imagine the joy and hilarity of making the virtues and vices into quasi-food-stuffs! Names? Done to death: The world is crawling with girls called Vice Smith and Misery Lloyd-Jones, and boys, drawn from Terry Pratchett’s wonderful novels, answering to names like Bestiality Carter and, no doubt, Deviousness Cromarty.
But spices and other tarters-up of plain provender? Gap in the market there, methinks! Could make an evening out a most rewarding and hilarious experience, could it not?
‘Dash more Molten Fury in this cocktail, if you’d be so kind, My Man, but go light on the Vice!’ you would hear in pubs and clubs up and down the land.
Or, ‘I’ll have the Peshwari and Vice Naan bread with my Righteousness Vindaloo – but easy on the Mirth: It gives me terrible wind!’ uttered nonchalantly at the local Indian take-away.
You could have Vice Rice, as a special; Vice-and-Vanity ice cream for those really pretentious soirees; Vice-and-Slice at Greasy Spoons on every motorway’s service station breakfast menu – and, of course, that perennial favourite, a McViceburger and Fries.
Obviously, my natural inclination was to explore the seamier side of the word ‘vice’ – but, as none of my posts which do this kind of thing are allowed out to play, I have decided to be silly instead!
There you have it: Vice Rice surrounded by all the Virtues in sweet little ramekins! What more could a body want, eh?