Stevie Turner’s take on Gobbledygook!


This morning, I welcome Stevie Turner onto this site. Author and blogger, she can be found via the three links below:

Website http://www.stevie-turner-author.co.uk

Amazon page http://bookShow.me/B00AV7YOTU

Blog    https://steviet3.wordpress.com/

We all suffer from the impenetrable nonsense that is jargon, don’t we? In this piece, Stevie flags up a universal gripe most articulately and amusingly. Enjoy! Grind your teeth in sympathy! Visit her site for more!

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GOBBLEDYGOOK

‘Income may be derived by either the entity receiving the item of income or by the interest holders in the entity or, in certain circumstances, both. An item of income paid to an entity is considered to be derived by the entity only if the entity is not fiscally transparent under the laws of the entity’s jurisdiction with respect to the item of income’.

Isn’t it wonderful!  However, what does it all mean?  I’m trying to work it out as I trudge my way through an IRS W8-BEN form for my foreign translations.  I had always thought that ‘entities’ were ghosts! Surely it could only go to improve US/UK relations if the form was in plain English so that laypersons like myself could understand it?

Over here in the UK we have the ‘Plain English Campaign’, which has been campaigning against gobbledygook, jargon and misleading public information since 1979.  Recently I’ve had to fill in lots of forms for my 92 year old mother, who has just changed her address.  With the timely aid of the plain English campaigners, we seem to have gone to the other extreme.  I had some helpful explanations on the forms, which went into great depths regarding what ‘surname’ means and what ‘maiden name’ means, just in case I didn’t know.  Fortunately I was able to work it out for myself.

Here’s some fine examples of gobbledygook which I thought you might like to have a go at interpreting:

  • We need a more contemporary reimagining of our compatible digital flexibility.
  • I can make a window to discuss your optional asset programming.
  • We need to cascade memos about our balanced policy time-phases.
  • The solution can only be dot-com management capability.
  • Only geeks stuck in the 90s still go for balanced monitored concepts.
  • Our upgraded model now offers compatible management resources.
  • We now offer diplomas in homogenised incremental alignment.
  • Today marks the 20th anniversary celebrations of our optional incremental paradigm shifts.
  • My organisation believes in systemised digital innovation.
  • We need a more blue-sky approach to facilitating management mobility.
  • We need to cascade memos about our interactive strategic flexibility.

What a laugh!

 

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10 thoughts on “Stevie Turner’s take on Gobbledygook!

  1. I seriously doubt that the people responsible for those examples, if real, know what they mean.
    Put another way: my comprehension of the underlying message contained in each of these instances of bureaucratic linguistics is seriously compromised by my inability to assimilate the efficacy of the messenger.

    Liked by 1 person

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