Underage Readers, please put up your hands!


I’d love to know how many of my four hundred plus followers are under the age of consent. To put it another way, I would be intrigued to find out which cadre of blog-reading society WordPress is protecting so hard from me and my more earthy pieces!

The famous Duck with a Dick – which I encountered, hooted over, bought and wrote about – went down like a cup of cold sick on here. Recent posts which have had the word ‘sex’ in the title (even when they were about abuse, and were not graphic in terms of acts) have disappeared almost without trace.

It seems extraordinary to me. I have a teenage son myself – and taught the buggers for years – and am under no illusions concerning their breadth of knowledge of the horizontal pleasures, nor its source: Peer group pressure, one another, television and Internet sites far more enticing than WordPress and much easier to access too.

Why would the average under sixteen even wish to wade through a long blog post when they can get the information far more speedily by texting a friend or sexting a putative partner?

Having taught English for so long, I know that avid readers are in the minority even amongst top set kids.

I think it very unlikely that I have a huge band of followers in the fifteen and under age bracket; in fact, I privately doubt that their numbers are in excess of the number of thumbs on one hand! If that!

So, who is it that we are protecting, eh? Why is it that my bawdy posts fall silent, are shoved under the radar, are barely looked at?

How much harm are my posts going to do, if we are scrupulously honest? What can I, as a fifty-eight year old woman, possibly teach kids about sex that they don’t already know? In what way are honest and often humorous posts about an activity most people will try at least once corrupting or inappropriate or nasty?

I genuinely do not get it. Making such a to-do about sex, putting it so firmly on the banned list, only whets teenagers’ appetites! Have we not sussed that out yet? Openness about matters sexual is essential. Young people want to know. They are curious and horny and keen to experiment. Of course they are! So were we!

There is nothing threatening about my dear yellow friend, the Drake with the Significant Appendage! He’s harmless and hilarious, a fun way to teach people about erections if you want to look at his educational value! For heaven’s sake, anyone with half a brain knows that he is a joke, a novelty toy. No one seeing him could possibly think that a real drake is going to be lurking in the bushes ready to have his wicked way with a human! For a start, the plastic boner is clearly based on human genitalia. Any duck with a todger that size would drown!

Why is it seen as such a good wheeze to give our children sexless dolls, eh? I well recall the horror, in the sixties, when a little boy doll with a willy came out. Talk about Outraged from the Shires! To me, the smooth plastic nothingness of most male dolls was far more frightening and sinister giving rise, as it did, to horrific visions of castration!

So, I go back to my title – and ask again, ‘How many of you reading this post, and its bawdy brethren, are either still at Primary School or in years 7-11 at Secondary School? Come on! Hands up!’

Any takers?

And, if there aren’t, why the hell am I being penalised and censored for material which is appropriate to consenting adults, and which is in no way condoning dark acts or casual sexual encounters or abuse of young people?

The rabid hatred, sexism and racism so easily accessed on many of the social sites – by children who are often allowed to go on Facebook well under the age of consent – is, to my mind, far more sinister and damaging than a well-thought-out, articulately expressed blog post by a woman of grandmotherly age!



2 thoughts on “Underage Readers, please put up your hands!

  1. I am only twelve and have been morally corrupted by reading this and twenty other blogs of the same degenerate nature. Due to the constant stream of adult oriented filth I now smoke fifty a day drink three bottles of whisky and snort a ton (literally) of cocaine. Never was a twelve year old so happy…. thank you granny Ali. Xxx.
    Ted (aged 12)
    PS can I have a Glock 9mm for Christmas? Pleeease…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hilarious, Young Ted! And, no, you can’t have a Glock 9mm for Christmas, you little scallywag! Huh! The very thought! You can jolly well put up with the Surface to Air Missile already bought and wrapped for you! xxx


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