My Dress: Triumph over Low Self-esteem.

I am feeling fragile today. It happens. Tears prickle unexpectedly. Silence cloaks me. Yet, the day is spring-like, warm and lovely. The two are not connected. I can adore the landscape, feel genuine warmth and joy in its myriad sparkles of beauty – and still be aware of sadness working its way out.

As some of you will be aware, I set myself the task of making my own Silent Eye costume this year. I wanted to be, ‘…a thing of threads and patches’; I yearned to achieve a tatterdemalion, raggle-taggle gypsy look; I longed to create a dress which would suggest radiance in its flying ribbons, but also have the clear antecedents of bits and bobs of material flung together and inexpertly stitched.

I have been tenacious in manifesting this vision in the material world.

It has evolved, day by surprising day. Even I, its mother, its seamstress, had no idea how it would turn out. The sewing on of the ribbons came last and shocked me with its absolute rightness. Shocked, I hasten to add, in a positive way.

The colours are my soul ones. They are my lunar side, my deep femininity – denied for so long, now tremulously invited aboard – and my aura, possibly, though I am not an expert in this field. They are colours I cleave to.

I may be trembling and timorous, at times, inside, but I am also tenacious – and am absolutely thrilled with the finished product.


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