I have written hundreds, probably thousands, of posts in which I explain my feelings, even emote through words – but feelings themselves are physical, at least to start with, and so, today, I am attempting to express this physicality and immediacy in alliterative onomatopoiea.
Chunky clunking crunch in chest and stomach, casting of stone particles in head – clattering and crashing against the cranium. Icicles of irritation chipping and cracking, shards littering the mind, mournful moans muffling raw and raving rage…
…and so I wake, weary and wuzzy, wanting nothing but to slide back into sleep’s sheath and shut out the shining of dawn.
Organs ooze ominously, boiling in tooth-baring bouillabaisse of bile. Canine clacking of claws and primitive pacing and panting, nocturnal nightmare, pain-wracked, nothing soothing, helpless in the hurricane of hurting bones and mushy soup of mind; standing, a staring statue, outside in midnight pelting rain, as if abandoned to the fates of doggy Alzheimer’s; stumbling on stairs, back legs bowed.
Cacophony of coughing; basso continuo of barking; heeds not His Master’s Voice; out or in, no comforting, no commonality of expression. Language a lake between us. Dog, on opposite shore, howls hideously.
Inner violence so visceral; such seething of spleen and liverish lament. Feelings filter through mind, maybe, but begin in barbarous broth of body, banging brittle buttresses of bone, eager to escape.
Wrenching retching of rain rasped from deep within; drops dripping down, damnation of drudgery and despair…
Has life lost its lure for my beloved animal? Is the moment for intervention approaching ever-faster? Am I riding roughshod over his suffering?
Is the dog dying?
Slowly, suffering, sadly?