Yes, it does. But it also gives clarity of choice – and, ultimately, an open door to freedom. I think we have to prioritise ourselves, make the person we are important and of true value. That way, no one else has the power to take that away from us; to make us feel lesser; to hurt us by suggesting that we are nothing but one of many coloured beads on a necklace. This way, we see the truth: The need to see us as options comes from THE OTHER and is no reflection of our inherent qualities. Because we know our true worth and magnificence; we know we are here to stay, even if others do not see it that way!
If we accept second place and lower status, that is precisely what, sooner or later, we will be reduced to. If we present ourselves as inferior, or easy, or ridiculously forgiving, we WILL be trampled upon, abused and cast aside – time and time again, until WE learn to erect healthy barriers and to see ourselves as the wonderful humans we are so capable of being.
I am no longer prepared to walk down the grenade-strewn road of prioritising those who see me as merely an option. I have done it once too often in my life – and, as is true of so many of us, had to learn the lesson the hard and painful way: If we make Gods and Goddesses of others, they will smite us with thunderbolts whenever it suits their purpose; they will behave as if they are, indeed, endowed with omniscience, omnipotence and cosmic wisdom; they will feel entitled to a full share in our rich treasure, whilst strewing the odd coin our way. They will fuck us around because, in their eyes, that is all we are worth.
By bowing down before any other human being, we are – in actual fact – handing over our own power and sovereignty and rights. We are saying, albeit covertly, ‘I am your willing slave. I exist only to please you. What is your will, Oh Great One?’
By a singular irony, many of us who have eschewed organised religion adhere with terrifying faithfulness to this part of the God Agreement! We just choose a different god-form to worship and pay our emotional tithes to!
It has taken me a longer time than some – but I now know my own worth. It is considerable! And the implicit, ‘You won’t mind if I afflict you with plagues, will you? After all, you are but a subject of mine…’ attitude no longer cuts any ice with me, for I can see how utterly pathetic it is.
Mate, if you knew my worth in any true sense, you wouldn’t even be asking!
A gentle kick in the teeth is not a signal honour. It is an attack. A nasty and rasping hint is not an honourable means of communicating with a fellow adult. It is a coward’s way out. A threat of replacement should only ever be met with one response: ‘Go ahead! The door’s there! Fuck off!’
Perhaps the most difficult lesson to learn is this: Those who makes others an option do not love us, and never have. Chances are high that these people are, actually, incapable of love as you and I understand it – since the act of punishing one with another is something most of us leave behind in the playgrounds of primary school.
Their egos need the power of making someone else feel second-best, needy, forever walking on eggshells. They make us wait because this is what Sultans and Kings, Queens and Dictators have always been allowed to do. We are like the rooms full of treasure, given by subjects – toyed with occasionally, then put back, our true worth never appreciated.
Their mindset is this bleak: ‘I can do whatever I want with you because you love me, and you are not up to my high standard.’
First time I’ve typed that and meant it!
You see, this is where they come unstuck: They are NOT Gods, or Goddesses! They are NOT Royalty. They are NOT entitled to mistreat others who love them (no matter how unadvisedly!). Unfortunately, these people often persist with their Power Delusions until their metaphorical Courts are empty of all willing subjects and their thunderbolts, used so often, are mere farts in the Heavens!
Never again will I say/think about ANYONE – man, woman or goat – ‘Am I good enough for you?’
No: I shall say what I should have said many times in the past, ‘Are you going to do ME any good?’
No more bleating, ‘Can I prove that I am worthy?’
But: ‘Is this person sufficiently wise/good/loving/deep to see that I am not an option?’
And if not…
It is, as the following quotation states, very simple: