For many months now, certain key people in my life have maintained radio silence for no reason that I can ascertain. They have not told me what is going on. They have not responded to emails, texts, phone calls. I have been left in a nightmare of silent darkness, and the obscurely horrible feeling that I am being punished – though what for, I have no idea.
To the best of my knowledge, NONE of them read my blog – so these words are not meant for any of my readers in the personal sense (though some of you may well be able to identify with what I am saying!).
Dear Silent Ones –
I am, to be frank, at the end of my tether with your behaviour and attitude. Trained in the torture chambers of deliberate silence, I am more patient than many when it comes to gaps in communication. I empathise. I make allowances. I chide myself for incipient insensitivity.
I have written. Many times. For those with phones – and the will to answer them (by no means the same thing) – I have even tackled my fear and rung the wretched instrument. All to no avail.
Why are you refusing to acknowledge me?
That, in its way, is far crueller than the harshest words, the bloodiest argument.
It is hurtful beyond endurance, beyond my ability to cope. I cannot swallow such needless neglect; cannot begin to digest whatever message you are trying to send by ignoring me for so long.
If there is a problem, let me know – and we can thrash it out between us like adults.
If illness, sadness or other problem afflicts you at present, please remember that my love and compassion does not include mind-reading in its package.
If you quite simply no longer wish to have me as part of your life, tell me straight.
If you are punishing me – grow up!
Being in my life is a privilege, not a right. I have value. I am not a toy to be discarded when something glittery and new comes on the market. I am not a punch-ball for your emotional frustrations.
If you cannot bring yourselves to tell me the truth, I will be the one to snap that tether in the end: There is only so much psychological torment I can take.
I have no idea what is going on in your lives – because you do not tell me. You exclude me from conversations with other members of the wide-ranging group.
I have tried my best.
Maybe YOU are not worth the continued effort and heartache. Ever thought of that?
A woman near the end of her tether…