Dear Bullies –
Do you have any idea of the disastrous effect your behaviour has upon your victims? Does it ever occur to you that your need to punish and gain power leaves psychological cripples in its evil wake? That the damage YOU inflict has serious repercussions in the lives of fellow human beings you have targeted. That you often, and for no good reason, push those who come into contact with you into a form of PTSD.
I fail to understand how you can justify such wanton cruelty and emotional brutality in the first place. To compound that injury by seeking to blame those you hurt, or to project your own twisted desires on to them, seems to me to hover on the boundaries of genuine psychopathy.
Perhaps you console yourself by assuming that other children will only be damaged if you use boots or hands to inflict pain. Perhaps you tell yourself that they deserve all they get because they are weak prey animals, and were put on this earth for the benefit and delectation of the lions.
But the truth is that you, and your ilk, leave a Wasteland of unhealed gashes, spiked and dying grass and bitter soil behind you. You walk blithely on whilst the land withers and is battered by disaster after disaster.
Do you have to win every time? Have the last word? Kick or punch first? Do you need to flay others with your word-scalpels? Is your life incomplete without the sick excitement this disastrous impact upon others brings you?
Here are just some of the disastrous side-effects your bullying has left me with:
A sense of having no rights or autonomy.
A fear of objecting to other people’s negative behaviour so profound that often I will rationalise it as positive and/or deserved and, in this, way, allow the cycle of bullying and abuse to continue.
A fear of standing up to others which borders on a phobia and which causes emotional lock-down and the absolute conviction that I will be punished and rejected for daring to criticise anyone else.
A level of anxiety, both physical and mental, which, at its worst, incapacitates me completely.
A desperate eagerness to please, to placate, to ameliorate, to give people the benefit of the doubt (even when I know, logically, that there is none).
A morbid fear of other people’s anger, and a need to turn myself inside-out in order to stop it.
A tendency to return to abusive situations and types because that is all I know.
Bullies, you need to read this kind of writing. You need to face how disastrous your toxic intervention in other people’s worlds and lives can be. You need to stop blaming your victims for letting you get away with it. You need to look in the mirror and see what you really are, and then do something positive and constructive about it.
I should not need to be afraid of others. Bullies, whether adult or child (and I have been on the receiving end of both), you really need to work on your own behaviour. You need to learn that control and domination are not synonymous with strength.
The tools you require are called self-awareness and self-control. They cost nothing and can change a disastrous interaction into a life-affirming one.
The Prey who has no wish to become Predator…